Americans spent obscene amounts of money on chocolate last week, all in the name of romance. It’s a shame in some ways. I believe that any time of year is appropriate to spend obscene amounts of money on chocolate. Maybe I should rephrase that: Any time of year is appropriate to consume obscene amounts of chocolate.

Some of the romantics shelling out said money were vegans, or non-vegans buying chocolate for vegans. There’s no shortage of vegan chocolate in well stocked natural food stores and online vegan retailers, but the quality can vary from sinfully rich to downright nasty. I recently had the opportunity to sample some raw, vegan chocolates that mostly fell closer the latter category.

My first foray into the world of raw chocolate was a jar of UliMana Dark Cacao Truffles. I’ve consumed my share of vegan truffles over the years and can say without hesitation that calling these dense brown orbs truffles is a stretch. I’m used to truffles that are smooth and creamy with a rich cocoa flavor; the kind that melt in our mouth as soon as you bite into them. The UliMana truffles did not melt in my mouth and are about as smooth and creamy as a block of tempeh. Come to think of it, it’s actually easier to chew tempeh. No, I’m not kidding.

At least they didn’t taste like tempeh. Yes, there’s a mild cocoa flavor, but barely enough. Usually when I eat a good truffle, I want another (and maybe even a few more after that). UliMana makes it easy to stop at one.

Chocolatl Raw Chocolate Maca Sauce was a little more to my liking and I found that when I wanted just a taste of something sweet, a small spoonful did the trick. My biggest problem with the Chocolatl Sauce was that the predominant flavor was agave. This probably shouldn’t have come as a surprise given that agave is the sweetener, but unlike sugar, which has a neutral flavor, agave has a distinct flavor that overshadows the chocolate flavor.

Because this is a raw product, using sugar is not an option, but maybe a more neutral flavored sweetener would be a better fit for this sauce. Despite the overwhelming agave flavor and consistency that was more like a paste, I did enjoy the Chocolatl Sauce.

I wish I could say the same for Sacred Chocolate, the company that makes raw, heart shaped chocolates in a variety of flavors. I sampled several of the varieties, but couldn’t bring myself to trying all of them. I started with the White Passion, which didn’t even taste remotely like chocolate. The dominant flavor was lemon with vanilla undertones. (Great, now I’m sounding like a wine snob.) And this was not a pleasing lemon or vanilla flavor. As I ate it, I just kept thinking how strange this tasted and how I yearned for real chocolate.

I figured maybe I should go with something a little more conventional, so I unwrapped the 69% Whole Bean heart. I did detect some chocolate flavor, but it was barely noticeable. The Jungle Peanut tasted neither like peanuts or chocolate and the “Mylk” chocolate was similarly tasteless. However, nothing prepared me for the Amazonian: a mix of nuts and herbs and chocolate that tasted like a bar of wheatgrass. This was so foul I couldn’t bring myself to sample anymore of the Sacred Chocolate hearts. A man has to draw the line somewhere.

If the Sacred Chocolate bars are literally difficult to swallow, the price of these bars, and of all of these raw products may be even more difficult to swallow. At ten dollars for a 2 ounce bar, or heart, we’re talking eighty dollars per pound! I don’t know if I’d pay that much for the best chocolate, so paying that for this chocolate…let’s just say I’d have to be smoking something that costs even more.

True, organic and Fair Trade chocolate does cost more than conventionally grown “sweatshop” chocolate, but other brands of organic fair trade chocolate are available for less than half the price of these. The reason for the extra markup on these raw products remains a mystery to me. Maybe there’s something in the process that’s more labor intensive than cooked chocolate, or maybe the other ingredients are more expensive, but it’s difficult to justify dropping that kind of money on something that tastes so vile.

Maybe it’s not possible to get deep chocolate flavor from raw chocolate? I had the opportunity to dine at the famed Roxanne’s restaurant years ago and had a fantastic chocolate dessert. I also found out that the chocolate in the dessert wasn’t raw. Apparently, even the premier (or at least the most famous) raw chef in the United States felt that she needed heat to make great chocolate.

My other issue with these chocolates is the attempt to market them as health foods. Yes, chocolate has antioxidants and other beneficial properties, but one look at the calorie and fat content of these chocolates confirms that although they might be raw, they’re still junk food. Definitely not as junky as a corn syrup sweetened Jokerz bar, but if I’m eating junk food, I want it to taste like junk food.

Based on the cost, taste and dubious marketing claims of these products, I feel like I’m getting a raw deal.

Ulimana Dark Cacao Truffles
ulimana.com

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Chocolatl Raw Chocolate Maca Sauce
chocolatl.org

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Sacred Chocolate (various flavors)
sacredchocolate.com

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